How to NOT Have Your Shit Together

You know, it gets really annoying when people are constantly making comments about “having your shit together.” OK, first of all, what does that even mean? Maybe having my shit together means brushing my hair everyday and leaving the house in something other than leggings/jeggings/yoga pants (just saying). Secondly, since WHEN is there an age limit on having your shit together? My dad is in his 60’s and his shit isn’t together, but he’s happy and that pretty much is all that matters, right? Anyways, I figured I would give y’all a solid lesson on how to NOT have your shit together at 25 (and a half).

Step 1: Change jobs multiple times within a year. This could include getting fired from a good job, too. If you really want to be the headline for failure, just work for 4 different companies in one year, making sure you get shit-canned at least once.

Step 2: Get a divorce. Nothing says “Hey, I’m a total fuck-up” like a divorce after 5 annoying years of marriage. It will leave you emotional destroyed, physical exhausted, and financially struggling.

Step 3: Live with people just like you. Nothing really destroys your shot at having it together like having roommates who are in the same situation as yourself. Two broke bitches is better than one, right?

Step 4: Pack up and move across country. Nothing makes you any less put together than leaving everything (and everyone) in your life behind to travel 2,215 miles to the other side of the country with only three suitcases full of shoes and clothes. Congratulations: you’re now homeless, unemployed, and walking (but at least you have cute clothes, so there’s that).

Step 5: Date guys who are idiots. Since having a solid, real relationship is probably part of having your life together, make sure you date people who have no intention of loving you for the right reasons. At least make sure they’re good to look at, even if they’re as intelligent as a rock.

I think that pretty much sums it up. In case you can’t tell, I have quickly learned my lesson about “having it all together.” In fact, I kinda enjoy how challenging my life can be. I mean, what is life without a little struggle here and there anyways?

-D-

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