And I don’t mean with a person, I mean with yourself and the world around you. Written by yours truly 🙂
1. Find something to be grateful for every single day. It came be as simple as a flower or as complex as the bonds of your family. Whatever. Just find something and be grateful that it exist.
2. Find something to fall in love with every single day. Once again, it can be as simple as a your favorite piece of candy or listening to your favorite song 10 times….just find something and love the hell out of it.
3. Don’t sweat the small stuff. I know it’s easy to get pissed off at the guy who just cut you off or the fact you woke up 25 minutes late, but don’t overthink it. Let it go. Less stress = more smiles.
4. Smile at everyone. I don’t care who they are. Smile at them. A frown may turn others away.
5. Do one good deed everyday. Hold the door open for someone. Tell someone they look nice. Surprise someone with a “I appreciate you text.” Just do something nice.
6. Tell yourself that you’re beautiful. No matter what. You are beautiful.
There comes a time in your life when you have to decide what is more important: the past, the present, or the future.
THE PAST: Do I continue to let the past make me fearful of what could happen? Do I let the past interfere with making a better life for myself? Shouldn’t I be learning from my past and making sure I don’t make the same mistake twice – or am I contradicting myself by saying that?
THE PRESENT: Do I always live in the moment or should I stop to think about how my choices are effecting my future? Does it really matter what I feel next week, next month, or next year? I mean, shouldn’t I just accept these feelings and let things happen on their own without needing to control it?
THE FUTURE: The future is far away – so is there really any point in stressing about it? I mean, so many things change within a small period of time and I believe that my destiny is already written in stone by God, so is there any point in freaking out? Or should I try and purposely plan every detail of my life?
Well. I learned my lesson with new relationships (if it’s even considered a relationship) and trust issues. Let’s just say you never realize how much someone means to you until your vunerability and your trust have been compromised. However, I’ve learned that unless someone has given you a valid reason NOT to trust them, you have to allow yourself to remove the trust issues from your past from blocking a great future. Regardless of what every other stinkin’ man did to you, there is nothing written in stone saying that this person is going to do that to you, too. Sometimes we get so caught up in the past that we forget we are living in the present. I have QUICKLY learned that it can destroy a relationship, especially a new relationship.
Control your emotions, Danielle. Dammit.
Last night I took a step on the side of bravery and not only stepped out of my comfort zone, but let someone into one of my most vunerable spots. It made me realize that comfort zones are kinda silly. We were put on this Earth with the ability to only live once. Obviously that sounds really silly to say (especially since everyone wore it out by screaming “yolo” all the time), but it’s true. We’re given this once chance and we don’t know how long we are going to have. Many of us don’t do things because they’re outside of our comfort zones or because we fear the unknown. Truth is, isn’t that just really stupid? Do you know what could happen if you step outside your comfort zone? NO. It could be good, could be bad. My point is that you will never know unless you actually do it. I know that this is so much harder than it sounds, but seriously….I stepped out of my comfort zone and it ended up being worth it. Who knows what will happen in the long run, but right now, I’m happy.
Sometimes I make myself so uncomfortable in my own skin, it’s like I’m a different person. My personality has changed drastically in the 5 months I’ve been California so far. That’s such a short period of time, but honestly, California has allowed me to find myself without any distractions (aka my crazy family, my ex husband, my past). I’ve blossomed in so many ways – like the fact that I’m finally letting my true colors shine through and I’m even starting to let down all those walls I have been building up the last 25 years (I’m even starting to let someone into my heart now). I have become so much more laid back and open minded to the things around me. I’m learning to appreciate things – like sunshine, ocean waves, and even people. So why do I feel so lost?
I think I have been lost my whole life. I have felt suffocated by so many things in my past that I forgot to let myself be myself. Meaning I have no shame in the silly things I do or the weird habits I have. Because I finally let myself out of the cage, I am meeting people who are appreciating me for who I really am, instead of putting on this forefront of being someone I’m not.
If you would’ve seen me a year ago, you would’ve told me I had no self-control, I was mean/bitchy, and acted like I was too good for certain people/things. Now, I take everything with a grain of salt. I’m not better than anyone, I’m so laid back, and I love love love making new friends, instead of shying away and leeching onto one or two people (like my ex).
I feel I’m rambling, which I probably am. But it just hit me that this whole time I thought I knew who I was and then BAM. I realized that I have been lost….and I am just starting to find my way home.
I am 100% okay with my flaws, my insecurities, and my weirdness. You either like me or you don’t.
I’m sure by now you have gathered that I am quite the sarcastic individual. Believe me, there is a soft gushy side behind all this sarcasm, wide, and adorableness (joking about the last one…). Anyways, lately I’ve found that I’m in a place where I am becoming more aware of my surroundings – like how I say things, the approaches I take to situations, and even how I handle my emotions. I guess it’s called “maturing” but I’d like to think of it as “soul searchin.” Since most of you have no clue who I am, you wouldn’t understand why this is so important to me.
Here’s a little insight: I was abandoned as an infant at 4 months old by my biological mother. My dad had full custody of me since then. We moved to Georgia from Florida, he met the angel (her name was Pat) I call mother, and they got married. My biological mother, Debbie, repeatedly tried to kidnap me and win custody of me, but my dad constantly fought for me. And he won. My brother died in a tragic car accident. Then, at the age of 5, my mom (Pat) was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was only given 6 months to live, but lived up until 12 days before my 21st birthday. 5 months before she died, I married a complete asshole. And a month after she died, I was hospitalized and diganosed with two ovarian tumors. I never met my biological mother, by the way. I struggled with depression, alcoholism, and low self-esteem. I left my husband. Moved across country. And BOOM. Here I am.
I’m not asking for a pity party, I know everyone has had a struggle or five in their life. But until you really get to know me, you could never understand why I am this way. I have a guard up nearly all the time. I have little patience for people. I hate making choices. I am terrified of love/committment/relationships. I run away from things that I don’t think I can handle. I often forget that other people have feelings, too. I hold grudges. I never trust anyone, with the exception of a handful of people. I give second chances way too often.
Yet here I am, slowly starting to realize that those negative qualities about myself DO NOT have to remain. I am free to change them at any given time. I decided that since it’s a New Year, it’s time to really focus on me and myself. Not just my physical appearance, but my internal emotional side. I want to be able to fully trust and love the way most people do. I want to be able to promise someone forever. I want to be able to talk about my feelings without the fear of retaliation or judgement. I just want to be normal.